Let me ask you something real: when was the last time you set aside even ten minutes that were just for you? Not for your boss, your kids, your partner, or your to-do list. Just you.
Most of us live like we’re on a treadmill that never stops. We give time to work, to family, to social obligations. But somewhere along the way, we forget that we also need a slice. It’s not that we don’t want to—it’s that we’re scared. Scared that if we pause, everything will collapse. So we shrink our own needs down to nothing. We compress our feelings, our desires, our very sense of self. Until one day, we realize we’ve stopped feeling anything at all.
A friend once told me: “By now, you’ve earned the right to spoil yourself. Even if it’s just ten minutes a day.” That stuck with me. Ten minutes isn’t a big ask. It’s not a weeklong retreat or a radical life overhaul. It’s a tiny, doable gap you can cut into your day. And here’s the twist—doing it actually rewires something inside you.
Here’s how you make it work, step by step.
1. Lock it into your calendar like a meeting.
You block out time for clients, for deadlines, for family dinners. Why would your own ten minutes be any less urgent? Don’t say “I’ll do it when I have time.” That never happens. Instead, pick a fixed slot—first thing in the morning, or right before bed—and treat it as non-negotiable. The thing that doesn’t get scheduled is the thing that gets eaten by everything else.
2. Do one thing that’s just for you.
Here’s the trap most people fall into: they think “me time” equals scrolling through their phone or checking work messages. That’s not self-care—that’s just more noise. Real self-care is doing something that only connects to you. Listen to a piece of quiet music. Read a few pages of a book that slows you down. Or do absolutely nothing—just sit and stare at the wall. Staring isn’t wasted time. It’s the moment when, in the boredom and silence, you start to hear your own voice again.
3. For those ten minutes, don’t try to solve anything.
This is the biggest one. Your brain will want to use this time to plan tomorrow’s presentation or worry about your kid’s school. Don’t. Let it go. This is the one pocket in your day where you’re allowed to not be productive. You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to optimize. You just have to be with your feelings. Feelings don’t need solutions—they need to be seen.
You might think: “Ten minutes? That’s nothing. It can’t change anything.”
But here’s what you’re missing: The point isn’t the ten minutes. The point is the message you send yourself. Every time you take that break, you’re literally telling your brain: “I matter. I am worth being taken care of.” Over time, that small act chips away at the habit of self-neglect. When you’ve been shrinking yourself for years, you lose touch with what you even want. Those ten minutes become a window—a way to hear yourself again.
Start today. Block it. Do it. And see what happens.
（This article is inspired by a conversation with Jia Xingjia, a humanities teacher at Dedao. His new course just launched—if you want to dive deeper into how to carve out space for yourself in a busy world, check it out.）